Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
50% drunk capacity currently
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
