I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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