Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
