that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
