I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
