thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i think im in europe. pls send help
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
