i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
