I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You pole danced in your parka.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
