Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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