Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
barbara walters just said penis...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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