You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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