I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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