im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
