woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
