she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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