I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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