Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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