i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my shit smells like andre
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
