in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
