Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
