I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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