I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
