theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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