Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
