When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
