Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize