drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
