He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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