a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
