Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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