i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
