Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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