bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
