if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
