I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
