their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
