You're my little dorito
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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