Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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