I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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