It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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