Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
