And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
