conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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