Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
