I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
