i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
