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You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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