Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We are two peas in an std pod
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
