we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
