Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
