Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
