every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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