Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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