He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
