I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
