my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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