My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize