I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
