Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
