A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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