I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
