thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize