if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
