and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
