Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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