I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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