It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
